


Liberation

by marshmallow_bear



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Darkfic, House Elves, Satire, Wizards, dark humour, political fiction, sex references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmallow_bear/pseuds/marshmallow_bear
Summary: A Wizarding Wireless Network interview with an unusual man. Dark satire.
Kudos: 13





	Liberation

"So, walk us through it. At what age did you realise you were a house-elf?"

"Well, I know some people know really early, at the age of 4, 5, but for me it didn't click until I was about... 35? I had no idea it was on the table, you know?"

"It does sound like a bit of a contradiction, 'the human house-elf'..."

"I mean, I'm _not_ human, because I'm a house-elf. I know you don't mean to, but it's offensive to call me human."

"I'm sorry.”

"No problem, I'm just pointing it out, because this is exactly it, this is how we raise awareness. Our language, our culture-- it's designed around people like you, not people like me."

"It's designed around... human people?"

"Exactly. We're both people, but you're a person who's a human and I'm a person who's a house-elf."

"But, just to be clear, biologically, you're a... well, now I'm struggling for words-- you have human biology, no?"

"No. Because I'm a house-elf, and my biology is MY biology. So it's house-elf biology. This is just one of the ways house-elves can be. It's just genetic variation."

"Some would say that's quite extreme genetic variation."

"They would say that, because of their own bigotry and prejudice. The world is bigger than that."

"Okay, so, sorry, but just to go back for a moment, should I refer to you as... homo sapiens?"

"No. Talking about species-variation at all is oppressive. The idea of a 'species' is a recent invention; if you look at science, you don't see it before the 21st century. So splitting things into 'human' and 'not-human', it's this recent idea, it’s this _destructive_ idea, and it was invented in order to oppress people like me. People who push boundaries. People who violate all known laws. The fact is, the very _concept_ of a species is an act of violence, and you should be immediately suspicious of anyone who talks in those terms, because it's a totalitarian dogwhistle. The labels were created to divide and disempower us."

"Interesting... okay, so, getting back to the initial question... How did you know you were a house-elf?"

"Well, I always, um, for as long as I could remember, I would be drawn to housework, to cleaning up, just, all those house-elf things. I used to stand behind the house-elves mimicking them when they did the ironing! I always suspected I could do it better. I’d give them advice. So that's how it started; I liked things to be neat and tidy and just-so, and although I didn't realise it at the time, looking back, I was drawn to these so-called 'menial' tasks because I had a house-elf brain. A house-elf brain in a human body!"

"It's quite surprising."

"Or, no, hang on, I mean, a house-elf brain in a house-elf body-- it's so hard, we live in such a humanpersoncentric society, even I slip up sometimes! But that's how the wizarchy works. It's not enough to change the world; we have to change our own attitudes; the personal is political, after all. Anyway, so, I got older, and I locked it away-- we're not supposed to want to do housework, that's for them-- and I got married, and I had my kids--"

"You have kids?"

"Oh yeah, I have two kids, their mother won't speak to me, it's hard-- so I had the wife, the kids, the racing broom, all of it-- but it wasn't enough. Something was missing."

"And that's when you met..."

"Yeah, that's when I connected with the man-elves-- it was a different time, people still used that term, we just didn't have the resources we have now-- Anyway, I connected with the man-elves, and they, they taught me who I was. I started to explore-- I learned about the biology, and how magic can get mixed up-- I've always been extraordinarily good at household charms-- and then I met some guys in person, and it all went from there. It just clicked. I’d always known I wasn’t like other men, and now, finally, I could fully embody my true self. I mean, it was different from today. We didn't have all, all the institutional stuff there is now. There was a lot of back-alley transfiguration, scam polyjuice, a lot of botch-jobs, frankly; you'd get guys with the ears hanging off, or guys who tried to make their eyes bigger, tried to inflate, and just, just... just, a bad time. And that's just the stuff that's _changed_. There's still so much intolerance we need to stamp out."

"Is this about the House-Elf Liberation Law?"

"Yeah, that's right. See how fast they blocked it?! Those dried-up bitches at SPEW? They say they respect female house elves. They respect 'em so much they won't let them make their own choices about who they pleasure. Don't tell me that's respect. Patronising bullshit, the lot of it."

"Some might say there was a power imbalance."

"No, because the imbalance is between _humans_ and house-elves, and We're All House-Elves, Y'all. There's no logic to it. It's just about discrimination."

"But if you-- hypothetically, I mean-- if you took a house-elf into your domestic service, the magical bonds would still apply, wouldn't they? And no house-elf could take you into her own domestic service in quite the same way, could she?"

"We need people to stop obsessing over this, this bond-magic, because it's a small part of house-elf life and it’s frankly quite dehumanising to always come back to it. It reduces house-elves to their relation to wizards. That's not okay."

"I see."

"We need a radical revising of what it means to be a magical creature, and what it means to be magical. We're not in the 16th century any more."

"No... Would you like, then, to talk to us about your ears?"

"Always the ears!"

"Is that an issue? We don't have to--"

"No, it's fine, it's fine. You just always know it's coming... So, this one is transfiguration, cost about thirty galleons, all told. I can't hear out of it, now, things got a bit fused-- but it was worth it. I take a few potions so my body doesn't reject it, because to get it looking like this, you really do have to replicate the cells and whatnot, and the immune system doesn't like it. It's a commitment."

"And the other?"

"Ah, the other, I still don't like it, to tell you the truth. It's from the bad old days, first bit I got modified, it's polyjuice-- see how it's much smaller? You can't add mass in the same way, so, I mean, it's not what I want-- but it's my hearing ear, so I want to be careful, before I get it redone. Hearing and obeying commands is such a big part of house-elf life, so it would really suck to lose it."

"Yes, anyone can see you're very serious about the... the lifestyle..."

"I am! Yes, so, for the photoshoot, they in _sis_ ted I don a towel, but I assure you, that's a novelty."

"You're normally naked?"

"I'm _always_ naked. I think it just makes it all a much more sensual experience, and it's closer to true elfhood. So I like, you know, doing the ironing naked, or at least, _picking up_ the iron. Because once you're in that state, sometimes your body has other ideas, eheheh!"

"Oh."

"And it's bullshit, bullshit that they won't give me the elf girlie I deserve. Keeping her from me. Such bullshit."


End file.
